For Every Action
by unsnappedelphie
Summary: Becker opens up to Abby about his feelings over Sarah's death and how it has really affected him. One-shot showing the soldier's hidden feelings!


'For Every Action...' – Primeval FanFic

_**Ok, so I haven't posted anything in a while and changed my pen name from XElleX to unsnappedelphie (mainly because I'm obsessed with Wicked now)! I've finally decided to post again and see what people think! I thought I'd start with a short one-shot for Primeval (which I love) as I feel that Becker is seemingly quite depressed and unfeeling this series and I have an idea that it may because of what happened to Sarah. (Recently re-edited this fic!)**_

**Set after Becker's final scene in Series 4 Episode 4. It's already obvious that the soldier is hiding his emotions but will Abby finally be able to get him to open up about Sarah's death?**

Jess had just left Becker alone again, he could tell the young girl liked him and he agreed that she was sweet but she was still just a kid, she was nineteen, he didn't like her back. He knew she was not at the same stage in her life as he was, she was still young and confused about what love was, it was not at all how she believed it to be. He knew he was acting like a cold hearted, cynical person but he had no idea how he was supposed to get over the dark emotions that were swimming inside his head, how to suppress the urge to breakdown every time he closed his eyes. Every morning he woke up he had to remember again, he was faced with the same nightmare each fitful night, his dreams were plagued with Sarah's voice, screaming for his help and each day he had to remember that she was gone.

Becker made his way into the room adjoining the one he was currently in and he sniffed back the tears as he looked around the room, it was full of the memorabilia and important items taken from the old ARC. The bright red stood out verdantly and he smiled at the memory as he carefully lifted the dress from the clothes rail, he removed the polythene dry cleaning cover that had been placed over it and held it close to him. That had been the first day she kissed him. _"You are my hero," _those words echoed through his mind time and time again, not much of a hero now, he had failed her, she was dead as a result of him being unable to protect her. He remembered how she had clung to his arm protectively, defensively against Danny's jibes that had eventually been laughed off. Becker moved over to the storage crates and ran his fingers over the laminated white label that read Dr Sarah Page, died 2009. He lifted it down carefully and he opened it cautiously, he'd never ventured into her personal things before, he felt like he was intruding on a part of her life he wasn't at liberty to explore, he hadn't wanted to. He found her watch among her belongings; it had eventually stopped exactly a year after her death. Becker had carried it with him until then and when it did stop he solemnly placed it with her other belongings, feeling that the last part of her was finally gone. He hadn't had the nerve to think about it in any deeper meaning; he'd bottled everything up and sheltered himself away from everyone else. Then the new team had arrived and they also seemed so blissfully unaware, they had not known her, they had not known any of the previous team.

Becker sat down on the bench in the middle of the room, still clutching at Sarah's dress furiously and he lifted a photo from her box, it was a team photo, well, themselves along with Connor and Abby, it had been a Christmas party and taken for fun when they were all half drunk, still it seemed like such a long time ago now, everything that was, everything that ever could have been was gone forever.

"Where are you Sarah?" Becker said quietly as tears silently began to slip down his cheeks, "What am I supposed to do without you?"

"Becker," a voice sounded behind him. He turned, wiping his eyes furiously to see Abby standing in the doorway.

Abby said nothing else as she moved to sit next to him, Becker looking down at the dress in hands and clutching it tighter.

"You really loved her didn't you?" Abby said sadly as she tried to communicate with him.

"More than you will ever know," Becker whispered and he ran his hand through his hair before rubbing his eyes again.

"Becker she knew how much you cared, I know she cared about you too," Abby smiled kindly at him.

"I killed her Abby, she is dead because of me," Becker said, his voice taking a monotone as the guilt resurfaced.

"No, you cannot say that and do you know why?" Abby asked him angrily, "because Sarah would not want you blaming yourself for this, it was an accident, a terrible, heartbreaking accident and there is nothing we can do Becker, she's gone."

"I miss her so much," Becker said, tears threatening to fall once again.

"I know," Abby said comfortingly, gently prising the dress from his fingers and replacing it on the coat hanger.

"I can't move on yet, I'm just not ready," Becker said, looking at her with pleading eyes and she nodded, showing that she understood what he meant, she'd have to speak to Jess.

"We need to keep going, you can't go all flaky on us now, who else is going to protect us?"Abby smiled and he returned it.

"Abby," Becker called her back as she made her way to the door.

"Yeah," she turned back to him, smiling softly, calmingly.

"Jess, she is a sweet girl, maybe one day..." Becker drifted off towards the end of his sentence, unable to find anymore words to convey the way he was feeling.

"I understand, I'm sure she will too," Abby assured him firmly, "d'you want me to talk to her or...?"

"No, I erm, I think maybe it's my fault she's got the wrong idea about _us_," Becker said, emphasising the word _us, _it felt foreign and wrong to be talking about Jess in that way.

"I have never lost someone Becker, not someone that I love, the way you and Jenny did, but I know that if I lost Connor I would want to make sure I had said a proper goodbye before I moved on, you do know that Sarah would want you to be happy, right?" Abby ensured kindly, knowing Sarah wasn't the kind of person to mope around feeling sorry for herself, she had never seemed depressed, of the small amount of time Abby had known her she had managed to reflect somewhat on the bright personality of her friend even if they had all underestimated her at first.

"I know she would, I just wish I could be happy with her," Becker said, smiling slightly, "thank you."

Abby smiled sadly back at him before walking away again, leaving Becker to his own thoughts, that were comparatively more positive than the ones he'd been mulling over previously. He knew that Sarah would always mean a lot to him, he promised himself that he'd never forget her; it was the least he could do after everything that happened. If he had learnt one thing from everything that had happened, it was that for everything you do there are always consequences, sometimes they are positive, sometimes they are negative, but they are always there.

"_To every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction." – Isaac Newton_

"_For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. You never know what it's going to look like on the other side, but you'll see it eventually if you keep your eyes open." – Miley Cyrus_

_**Ok, so how did I do? I've been trying to make my stories more descriptive after starting year 9 in top set with a new teacher to find out that the past two years our other top set teacher hadn't really been all that helpful in teaching us useful language skills. I've learnt that my writing needed to be a lot more detailed and my vocabulary needed to be majorly more extensive! Please review! **_


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